God as the rep at the IT customer service desk.

Photo from www.fotolia.com

Customer Service (CS) Rep.: "Yes, Ma'am, how may I help you today?"
Customer: "Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install
LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?"
CS Rep. : "Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?"
Customer: "Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to
install now. What do I do first?"
CS Rep. : "The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your
HEART ma'am?"
Customer: "Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right
now. Is it okay to install while they are running?"
CS Rep. : "What programs are running ma'am?"
Customer: "Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,
and RESENTMENT.COM running right now."
CS Rep. : "No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your
current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it
will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite
LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However,
you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those
programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you
turn those off ma'am?"
Customer: "I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?"
CS Rep. : "My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE.
Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have
been completely erased."
Customer: "Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is
that normal?"
Cs Rep. : "Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for
the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?"
Customer: "Yes I do. Is it completely installed?"
Cs Rep. : "Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need
to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades."
Customer: "Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?"
Cs Rep. : "What does the message say?"
Customer: "It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS.
What does that mean?"
Cs Rep. : "Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the
LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on
your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in
nontechnical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can
"LOVE" others."
Customer: "So what should I do?"
Cs Rep. : "Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?"
Customer: "Yes, I have it."
Cs Rep. : "Excellent. You're getting good at this."
Customer: "Thank you."
Cs Rep. : "You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to
the "MY HEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin
patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete
VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely and permanently gone erased."
Customer: "Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is
playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and
CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?"
Cs Rep. : "Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything
gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You
should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go."
Customer: "Yes?"
Cs Rep. : "LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to
everybody you meet. They will share it with other people and then return some similarly sacred modules back to you.
The sub -program of LOVE written SPECIAL SOULMATE LOVE needs a password for
it to be accessible, and the one you have been provided with is not complete, 
out there somewhere is  one single person of the opposite sex to you who has 
the other half of the password that will open the SPECIAL SOULMATE LOVE program
and cause it to start running. That program is very powerful it will cause a number of other very good programs to automatically start
running. To mention just a few, there is ROMANCE.EXE, INTIMACY.EXE, TRUST.EXE, HONESTY.EXE, FAITHFULNESS.EXE, SEXUAL FEELINGS.EXE, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION AND UNDERSTANDING.EXE AND UNTIL DEATH DO US PART MARRIAGE.EXE
Once all these very good programs are installed you will experience pure bliss
in true love, perfect peace and profound happiness.
Customer:" Where will I find this one persorn who has the other part of the
password to this very wonderful SPECIAL SOULMATE LOVE program.
Cs Rep.: You can find him anywhere on earth, sometimes at the most unlikely places
but one thing I can assure you is that when you do you will know it cause you will
feel like flying without wings.
Customer: " Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?"
Cs Rep. : " You may call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician, but most call me God. Many people feel all they need is an annual
checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the Manufacturer suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put another way, keep in touch.