Weekend loneliness

Those are the lonely footprints I am making as I trudge through life alone in a world full of people. Loneliness knows me by name now and we actually call each other by our first names and have even given each other nicknames. We have become so close that we now accept each other and have learnt to co-exist with each other. When all my friends are busy doing their own thing with their partners and have no time for a single third party like me loneliness pitches up to keep me company. He just sits there watching me and doesn't say a single thing and then I feel his presence engulfing me and when that happens I have learnt over the years to welcome him (the loneliness) and put him to good use. I find a quiet place and start meditating about my life and God or I take a solitary walk in the park or in a safe bush or forest and listen to the birds singing while I admire nature.





Sometimes I tune into my passion for writing and start writing my thoughts on my laptop like I am doing right now. When loneliness visits me when I am very angry or when I am very happy about something it causes my artistic talent for prose and rhymes to come out and I start writing poetry.

This weekend like most weekends lately,loneliness visited me soon after I had woken up and today I chose to clean my room and bathroom, mop the kitchen floor, work on finishing my blog article entitled, "The Pursuit of happiness (Part 2) which I had started five days ago, while he (loneliness) just sat there looking at me. After doing a thorough cleaning of my apartment I then took a long luxurious bath listening to soft music, with a good book and a glass of whisky (the remains of the good old days in Zimbabwe when we could afford to buy whisky) on the bath tub side to keep me company as I soaked in the relaxing foam bath and bath salts.(this year's birthday presents from my friend Chipo) My unwanted friend Loneliness flew out of the window as soon as I got into the bathroom. Am still trying to figure out if the reason for his (Loneliness's) uncivil flight out of the window is because he is afraid to see me naked or he hates to see me enjoying myself alone. Wish i could stay in the bath forever but the water got cold and my skin was beginning to look over- moisturised so I had no option but to get out of the bath tub and start drying myself and then oil my skin and dress myself. As soon as I had finished all that loneliness came back and I frowned at him, you know the frown that says, "Why have you come back, I don't want your company." Dear readers that man Loneliness is sturborn and quite a dictator, he knows very well that I don't want him ruling my world but he stays put whether I like it or not, by ginya. I am sure he is related to Mugabe somehow, they seem to share the sturborn and by ginya hereditary gene. Anyway I decided to ignore him as I write on this blog right now and guess what, when he saw me smiling as I wrote about him he started sulking and couldn't stand the sight of me any minute longer, so he left, this time he made a civil exit and left through the door. I feel liberated and happy now that he has left me alone.
I guess I have to continue blogging about him so that he doesn't come back to keep me company.
I know I'm lonely when I check my e-mail, click on another site, and then check my box again to see if mail came in. Maybe I missed something. Sometimes I dial the voicemail on my cell phone to check for messages, even though the very colorful and accurate display screen reads "no new messages." Maybe the screen messed up. When I get home from work, my first question to the maid is, "Any calls for me while I was at the office". Trying to find out if anyone out there tried to relate to me, knowing someone did try eases the loneliness. I try to avoid these lonely moments as much as possible. But perhaps loneliness serves an important purpose. Adam felt incomplete before Eve, but it allowed him to recognize that God had more for him.
I know too many singles who pretend they aren't lonely and pretend they don't care about having a partner. At times, I fight the same temptation. It's easier to deny the angst of being without a soulmate than to step into the abyss of loneliness. Stifling a desire makes us feel in control; acknowledging a desire makes us vulnerable. Yet a desire that isn't open can't be filled. Adam's experience reminds singles that loneliness is normal and necessary. This is affirming to me, because often I grow weary of the single life. I want to throw in the towel because everything seems out of place in my life. I took a wrong turn somewhere. I need a new job. I need to change churches. I need new hobbies. I need new friends. I need to move to a new country. Yet when I calm down and take a good look at my life, I realize I actually don't like my job and but I like my church. I enjoy my reading hobby. I value my friends. I love where I live though I would prefer a bigger house with a garden. I'm just out of sorts because I feel unconnected. But it's okay; I should. Adam had the same feeling until God gave him Eve. We're made for so much more. Loneliness is the wailing siren that doesn't let me forget.